Whoa...Life....

As I sit here tonight thinking and reflecting on the things that have happened in my life just in the past month, it is almost surreal.  God has been with me every step of the way, right in the center of everything.  I have had talks with Him, I have prayed to Him, and I have been trying to tune in to listen to Him. 

On Father's Day, June 17, 2012, Jacob was baptized. I was asked to come back home with Jacob. Lots of emotions ran wild that week, only to discover two weeks later that was not going to become a reality.  However, in the midst of all of that emotional rollercoaster ride, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that God was right there with me as he told me something.  I was at the park with Jacob and God revealed something to me.  It took a little bit for me to let it sink in, but at that moment, I knew God truly had my life in His hands.  I knew he wanted me to be happy.  He gave me a choice. I took it and ran with it.

I may never truly understand the depth of Jesus's suffering or God's love, but what I already know and have experienced is nothing but good...

So, tonight almost a month after reconciliation was mentioned and considered, we have filed for divorce and I have closed another chapter in my life besides this. My impending divorce is not closed and won 't be for a while honestly because we do want to keep Jacob happy...but I also know that good things and good times are  waiting for me just around the corner.

Keep hope alive and believe that with Jesus at your side, you really are....

Stronger in HIS Grip!
Renae

Craziness

life...is...crazy

As I sit here and think about all of the conversations I have had with the people in my life this week, I have reasons to cry and reasons to be ESTATICally HaPPy!!!  Sorry, you'll have to wait for the real details of the HaPPy part...I know and God knows...that's the most important thing.  Finding the good in things and people has always been a strength of mine, except of course when it pertains to me directly...crazy, but true. God has shown up in my life once again and I know that HE is guiding me through this journey; yet, as the day gradually goes on, I feel HIM nudging me to get back on HIS path...I surrender almost immediately (yes, ALMOST...you know...)OK God, but can you wait just one sec??? He doesn't...with me...I figure it's okay though, because HIS plan for my life is still better than any I can come up with on my own. 

My baby boy is getting baptized tomorrow! Super excited about that!  Tomorrow is also my grandmother's 91st birthday and Father's Day. 

I try to listen to music based on my mood and try to find something encouraging...pertinent to what's going on in my life that day...For the purpose of this blog, I want to find a different video for each day I post that means something to me and praying it will encourage you as well.  God is awesome and He is definitely worth praising...even in the storms we face in life...I know, I'm in the middle of one, but I am choosing to look at the rainbow after the storm rather than the storm clouds...

In His Grip~

Possibilities...it's a dot thing...

June 14, 2012

Sometimes it's really just a matter of time before you realize that the one thing that was constant in your life isn't any longer...Sometimes you have to understand that not every one is going to judge you based on your past mistakes...Once that is realized and forgiving yourself happens, anything is possible...

It's been a tough 24 hours...hearing the hurts all over again...but God revealed something to me...and it's really going to be okay.  I've managed to really smile again...at least for a little bit...with the help of a possibility...I'm not looking...but I know God's watching over me.  It took yet another chat with a wonderful lady who I have made my adopted mother to make me realize that God truly uses all sorts of people...

Interesting....yeah, dots are fun...♥

Changed

Changed....Well, God's working on me...

I feel God working on me and slowly changing my perception on a few things, but sometimes I wonder where He's going with it.  People have told me that they see a change in me and a very close wonderful friend told me that in recent picture she could see a light in my eyes that she hadn't noticed before. She also said that God shines through us at our darkest moments...NO one has ever told me that I shined before..That same friend told me that all of this that I'm going through was like a diamond...the torture a diamond goes through before it is a beautiful jewel...Interesting analogy.  He is definitely working in my life, changing me to seek HIM first. After all, that's what I'm supposed to do anyway.  :)

Strong Enough

For the past few hours, this song has been cruising its way through my head...it's not on any of my playlists; in fact, I don't remember the last time I heard it on the radio but it couldn't have been that long ago.  Anyway, maybe it's my cry to God that I really am unsure about this whole thing...the life I have to live now...without the one constant I hoped would always be there.  God is there, He's here with me RIGHT NOW...maybe He is teaching me to RELY solely on HIM, not anyone else...Well, actually, I know that's what He's doing...

Someone Like You (who are you??)

Someone Like You...

It's really THAT obvious, perhaps to a fault...I'm not looking right now because all of this is just too fresh, but doesn't every girl dream of her ideal guy?  I know I always did...Maybe I had him and was too stupid to see it, maybe I thought I did but wasn't totally sure...Whatever my situation is or was, what I do know is that God's got to be in the details...HE knows what I want and what I need...His timing is not my timing (and just for the record...I hate the word "timing"...) Think about it, maybe you'll understand why I hate it so much!!  Anyway, Adele pretty much covers my thoughts in this song...

As a side note, today is Memorial Day and I remember those who have fought for me and died serving this country...♥

Getting Back Up

Today, I've definitely felt like I've been knocked down, but realized that God was right there, picking me right back up.  Being in the middle..and I mean SMACK DAB MIDDLE of a separation about to go through with paperwork for a divorce that I never really saw coming...has made me realize that even when I have no control over anything around me, GOD still is the controller of the universe...of MY life...my simple life...OH WAIT...if one adjective described me it would NOT be simple; there I go rambling again...


I will admit that while I may not have seen this divorce coming, the situation that led to the divorce was a long way coming...I'm not gonna spill it for the whole wide world to know...the main thing is that I am going through it.  I am living through it.  I am enduring it.  AM I HAPPY?  not everyday...I still want to talk to my husband because he is still MY husband, but the feeling's not reciprocated.  One of my strengths is empathy...I tend to believe I am almost too empathetic to a fault at times...But, I guess there is a reason for that as well.  AM I SAD?  sometimes I cry my big green eyes out until I think there are NO more tears I can possibly cry; but it still doesn't help...sure, it helps for a day or so until I realize there is nothing I can do on this planet to change or UNDO my situation.  I know God could restore it, but I'm not so sure He wants to...not yet at least.  Maybe never...HE is the KEEPER of the stars NOT me...thank goodness!


Today I think my lesson has been that no matter how hard I try to talk to my husband, he's just not going to be there anymore...God wants to be there for me...HE wants to show me how to depend on HIM...HE is seeking ME.  HE loves me more than I ever realized and you know what?  He won't ever disappoint me or not take my "calls".  Even funnier than anything else I've learned today is that I won't be knocked down forever, I will get back up, and I will SHINE brighter than ever before.  


Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the thoughts that I think towards you , says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." (NKJV).