Today, I've definitely felt like I've been knocked down, but realized that God was right there, picking me right back up. Being in the middle..and I mean SMACK DAB MIDDLE of a separation about to go through with paperwork for a divorce that I never really saw coming...has made me realize that even when I have no control over anything around me, GOD still is the controller of the universe...of MY life...my simple life...OH WAIT...if one adjective described me it would NOT be simple; there I go rambling again...
I will admit that while I may not have seen this divorce coming, the situation that led to the divorce was a long way coming...I'm not gonna spill it for the whole wide world to know...the main thing is that I am going through it. I am living through it. I am enduring it. AM I HAPPY? not everyday...I still want to talk to my husband because he is still MY husband, but the feeling's not reciprocated. One of my strengths is empathy...I tend to believe I am almost too empathetic to a fault at times...But, I guess there is a reason for that as well. AM I SAD? sometimes I cry my big green eyes out until I think there are NO more tears I can possibly cry; but it still doesn't help...sure, it helps for a day or so until I realize there is nothing I can do on this planet to change or UNDO my situation. I know God could restore it, but I'm not so sure He wants to...not yet at least. Maybe never...HE is the KEEPER of the stars NOT me...thank goodness!
Today I think my lesson has been that no matter how hard I try to talk to my husband, he's just not going to be there anymore...God wants to be there for me...HE wants to show me how to depend on HIM...HE is seeking ME. HE loves me more than I ever realized and you know what? He won't ever disappoint me or not take my "calls". Even funnier than anything else I've learned today is that I won't be knocked down forever, I will get back up, and I will SHINE brighter than ever before.
Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the thoughts that I think towards you , says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." (NKJV).
No comments:
Post a Comment